UNFRIENDLY BLACK HOTTIE (QUEEN READ #1)
TO THE ASHLEY/RACHEL/RE-BECCA/BRITNEY/LAURA:
WHO DRUNKENLY TOUCHES MY HAIRAND ASKS IF ITS IS REAL IN AN ATTEMPT TO MOCK MY FEMININITY IN SUPPORT OF THE ILLUSION THAT HERS IS ANYTHING MORE THAN A ‘MAYBE ITS (JUST LIKE A) RYAN MCGINLEY CANDID POLAROID MAYBE ITS A LOT OF FUCKING MAYBELLINE AND D-GRADE FLORAL SKIRT’ TOSS UP.
WHO AGGRESSIVELY INSISTS THAT I DANCE FOR OR WITH HER AS A DISPLAY TO HER BOYFRIEND THAT SHE HAS CONTROL OVER MY FISH AS ENTERTAINMENT. WHO, IN DOING SO, INSISTS THAT I PERFORM A FAGGOT TAP DANCE THAT BETRAYS THE FISHY FLOW OF FEM QUEEN PERFORMANCE FORCING ITS WAY THROUGH THE INNERMOST WORKINGS OF MY BODY AND BRAIN
WHOSE IMAGINATIVE BREADTH CONCERNING IDEAS OF SELF IS RESTRICTED TO DISHEARTENING FANTASIES OF LIVING A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MARGOT TENNENBAUM, WINONA RYDER, CHLOE SEVIGNY, THE GIRLS FROM THE VIRGIN SUICIDES OR ASHLEY IN THE CHRISTOPHER KANE DRESS ON OPENINGCEREMONY.COM
WHOSE DRUNKEN ACCOSTING OF MY PERSON IS SPILLING PBR ON THE NYLON AND PAPER MAGAZINES NESTLED IN THE OUTSIDE POCKET OF HER MOMA/STRAND/NASTYGAL/URBAN OUTFITTERS TOTE THAT HOUSES CLIPPINGS FROM THE WEDDING ISSUE OF VOGUE, SETTING AWAY THE WEIGHTLESS, SUBSTANCE FREE SUBURBAN ASPIRATIONS THAT WILL ULTIMATELY MOTIVATE HER TO MOVE TO JERSEY OR PARK SLOPE IN HER 30s, HAVING SUCCESSFULLY LIVED AN OSTENSIBLY GLAMOUROUS’ NY LIFE DOCUMENTED, I ASSUME, IN THE NUMBER OF ‘FIERCE/CRAZY PPL’ SHE HAS DRUNKEN IPHONE PHOTOS WITH, SINGLE TAG: HERSELF
WHOSE TRAGIC LADY GAGA HOMOSEXUAL BEST FRIEND LOOKS ME IN THE FACE IN ALL SERIOUSNESS AND ASKS ME IF I GOT MY HAIR DONE AT THE SAME PLACE AS MYKKI BLANCO,
PLEASE STEP TO THE SIDE AND LET ME ENJOY MY THRONE PEACEFULLY
UNFRIENDLY BLACK HOTTIE (QUEEN READ #2)
TO THE MATTHEW/ROBERT/CHRIS/CHARLEY/SAMUEL:
WHO APPROACHES ME AT THE BAR, PROCEEDS TO PANDER TO AN APPARENT/INHERENT LACK OF MALE ATTENTION I RECEIVE BY COMPLIMENTING MY DANCING AND SINGING THE PRAISES OF PARIS IS BURNING, WHICH HE WATCHED STONED IN HIS SOPHOMORE YEAR ANTHROPOLOGY CLASS AND THOUGHT VENUS XTRAVAGANZA WAS KIND OF HOT
WHO CHOKES ON HIS DRINK WHEN WHEN I PREEMPTIVELY ASK IF HE REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS NOVEL THAT A) HE WATCHED SHEMALE PORN AND B) GOT HARD
WHO IN SPITE OF SUCH WARNINGS INSISTS THAT I DESIRE TO BE DESIRED BY HIM, BITTERLY PROJECTING FRUSTRATION OVER WHEN HIS WALLET WAS STOLEN AFTER GETTING BOOPED MID HAND-JOB BY A ‘LADYBOI’ ON THE TRIP HE TOOK TO THAILAND WITH HIS BUDDIES FROM WESLEYAN LAST SUMMER
WHO REFUSES TO ACCEPT BEING TURNED DOWN BY ME IN DEFENSE OF HIS EGO, WHICH IS CURRENTLY SUSTAINED BY A BY DELUSIONAL PRODUCT OF HIS STONER SESSIONS LISTENING TO LOU REED’S WALK ON THE WILD SIDE AND OBSESSING OVER THE IDEA OF SEX WITH A TRANNY AS AN AVANTE-GUARDE FORM OF INTERCOURSE. I’M UNIMPRESSED
WHO, 3 DRINKS AND 1.5 HOURS EARLIER NERVOUSLY CHUCKLEDWHEN I WAS CALLED A FAGGOT BY HIS INEPT FRIEND, AFTER WHICH BOTH SCROLLED THE T4M SECTION OF CRAIGSLIST ON THEIR IPHONES IN THE BATHROOM ALONE
PLEASE STEP TO THE SIDE AND LET ME ENJOY MY THRONE PEACEFULLY
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